👋🏾 Hey Fellow Dads,
Your finances may be the biggest source of stress in your dad life. It’s not the huge expenses that can arise like a blown engine on the family vehicle or a death in the family that derail us because we never think about those things until they happen. It’s usually the small and mundane expenses that popup in our day to day lives that also elicits guilt within you if you can’t provide it.
It plays out like this; you’re sitting in front of your big screen TV, savoring the peace of a Saturday morning preparing for the start of college football, when your spouse casually mentions, “Oh, by the way, I signed the kids up for summer camp. It was on sale!” Cue the mental math, the panic about the budget, and the frustrated inner monologue: “On sale still means money we don’t have for 1 kid to go to summer camp yet alone 4 kids!”
On one hand you understand that you can’t afford it but you love your kids and truly believe summer camp will be good for them to attend so you tell your wife; “Ok great!” and silently tell yourself; “I’ll have to figure this out to make it work😬!” (Cue The added Stress)
We’ve all been there, juggling bills, goals, and the desires of your family that paint the pictures of if you are doing a good job as a father and husband. All while trying to keep the wheels from coming off. The stress can feel overwhelming, but here’s the thing: tackling our finances head-on isn’t just about money—it’s about creating peace for ourselves and our families.
This means you have to create some sort of structure around your finances so your “OK, Great” comes with a smile and inner peace; not terror.
Let’s Discuss How You can do this!
What Is Financial Self-Care?
Financial self-care; the F in the P.M.F Self-Care Model, is about more than paying bills or saving for a rainy day. It’s about managing your money intentionally to reduce stress, improve relationships, and build a secure future for your family. When you practice financial self-care, you’re not just handling dollars and cents—you’re building trust with your spouse, teaching your kids responsibility, and creating stability that allows your family to thrive; not to mention allowing your kids to enjoy summer camp without creating tension.
Why Is This Important?
Studies show financial stress is one of the leading causes of marital tension. When dads take control of their finances, they lower that stress and open the door for better communication and collaboration at home. Plus, addressing finances head-on teaches your kids invaluable lessons about responsibility and planning—skills they’ll carry for life.
The process of taking control of your family finances is a delicate one. Remember it’s not just YOUR money, it’s not just YOUR future; and it’s not just YOUR desires. They are your wife’s as well. I learned this the hard way.
One memorable blowout happened on the way home from an anniversary cruise. Fresh off reading Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover, I was fired up and ready to cancel every credit card we owned. My wife? Not so much. “Can we at least keep one for emergencies?” she asked.
Let’s just say things escalated quickly. Before long, we were debating so intensely that the last hour of our drive was spent in icy silence. Looking back, I realize the issue wasn’t the card itself—it was about feeling heard and secure. She needed the safety net; I needed a plan. Once we actually talked, we found a compromise: we canceled most of our cards but kept one with a low limit for emergencies. That simple step gave us both what we needed: her peace of mind and my green light for my preferred financial strategy.
As Dave Ramsey often says on his radio show when spouses call in complaining their partners isn’t willing to follow the steps, “If your spouse isn’t on board with your plan then you do not have a plan. You just have a good idea“.
So…..
STEP 1: Get Your Spouse On Board 1st!!!!
Here are some Practical Steps I learned To Support My Financial Self Care
2. Build Your Emergency Fund
- Dave Ramsey Lesson: Start with $1,000 to cover unexpected expenses – Most unexpected expenses will NOT exceed $1000
- Good Dads Lesson: Save As much money that makes you and your spouse feel safe and secure that you can weather any storm that comes your way; this can include a certain number of household expenses, or the cost bring all of your family together in time of crisis. Be honest in your assessment of your needs.
2. Pay Off Debt
- Dave Ramsey Lesson: Use the “Debt Snowball Method” and build momentum as you go.
(This is one of the best strategies I’ve found to become debt free quickly)
3. Budget Together
- Create short term and longterm budgeting goals with your spouse. Ensure to create monthly and annually financial check ins to ensure you are meeting these goals or if these goals have changed.
- Sit down with your spouse and create a budget that works for both of you. Use the 50/30/20 rule as a guide:
- 50% for needs (housing, food, utilities).
- 30% for wants (entertainment, dining out).
- 20% for savings and debt repayment.
- Don’t Overreact: Once the budget is set and it is agreed upon do not change unless there is a legitimate emergency.
4. Plan for the Future
- Dave Ramsey Lesson: Once you’re debt-free, invest 15% of your household income into retirement. Use tools like your employer’s 401(k) or an IRA to build long-term wealth.
- Good Dads Lesson: Once you are debt free find an investing principle that works for you. A great book that goes into detail on how to do this is The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel
5. Teach Your Kids About Money
- Allowances: Use allowances to teach the backbones of money; earning, budgeting, and savings
- Be Transparent: Money is not Taboo! Teach your children how money impacts the household and share when and why the flow of money may be restricted or why you have to say NO sometimes. *Do Not Be Embarrassed it’s just money!
- Celebrate a little: Money is just a tool but tools are used to build things that we enjoy. So yes work hard to go on vacation, purchase fun gifts, and other fun things as long as they are within your budget.
Good Dads, this isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being intentional. Financial self-care isn’t a sprint—it’s a journey that pays off for you and your family. Take one small step today, whether it’s creating a budget, saving $100, or starting that long-overdue money talk with your spouse.
Financial Change Can Start RIGHT NOW!
❤️ 🍻 Cheers to building stability, security, and peace for your family.
