How to Handle Financial Disagreements Without Damaging Your Relationship - How To Be A Good Father

Let’s face it—money is one of those topics that can stir up some serious tension in any relationship. A whopping 20% to 40% of all divorces are due to financial issues and research studies show that just an additional $500 can save some financially shaky marriages from divorce?

It’s true, and it’s a sobering thought. Financial stress can sneak into your relationship and create cracks that, if left unchecked, can turn into serious problems. That’s why today, I want to talk about how we, as dads, can handle financial disagreements without letting them hurt our relationships.

My wife and I have always been pretty good about managing our money together, but that doesn’t mean we’ve been immune to the occasional disagreement. In fact, one argument still stands out vividly in my memory, and it taught me a valuable lesson about communication, compromise, and the importance of being on the same financial page as your partner.

It was on the drive home from Los Angeles. We’d just had a fantastic 7 days in Hawaii, and we were driving back home to Vegas from the Airport. I had just finished reading Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover during the trip, and I was fired up with the idea of getting our finances in perfect order. I mean, I was ready to implement the debt snowball, save our first $1000, and basically follow Ramsey’s plan to the letter. As we cruised down the highway, I started laying out my plan to my wife: save $1,000 for emergencies, activate the debt snowball, and cancel all our credit cards.

Now, my wife is usually pretty laid-back, but when I suggested canceling all our credit cards, she hesitated. “Can we keep at least one credit card for emergencies?” she asked, her voice full of concern.

And that’s where the argument started. I was adamant, convinced that Ramsey’s way was the only way. “What do you mean keep one? We need to cancel them all because Dave Ramsey said so!” I insisted. The conversation quickly escalated into a back-and-forth debate, neither of us willing to budge. By the time we were halfway home, we weren’t even talking anymore—the car was filled with that awkward, tense silence that only comes after a heated argument.

Looking back, I realize now that I wasn’t really listening to her concerns. I was so focused on my plan, on what I thought was the “right” thing to do, that I completely missed the point she was trying to make. She wasn’t just questioning the plan; she was worried about our financial security, about having a safety net in case something went wrong. But instead of addressing her concerns, I dug in my heels, determined to stick to the plan I had in mind.

It took some time, but eventually, I learned a valuable lesson from that argument. Dave Ramsey has a famous quote: “If your spouse isn’t on board, you don’t have a plan—you just have a good idea.” That realization hit me hard. I finally understood that my wife wasn’t challenging my plan because she didn’t care about our finances—she was expressing her challenges in our mutual quest to make sure we were both comfortable and secure in the decisions we were making.

Since then, we’ve had many more conversations about our finances, and we’ve learned how to navigate those tricky waters together, and in this particular situation we came to a compromise: we canceled most of our credit cards but kept one for emergencies. It was a small concession that made a big difference in our relationship. That one card made her feel secure, which in turn gave me the flexibility to take financial risks in other areas. And honestly, the peace of mind it brought to both of us was worth far more than any potential interest we might have avoided by canceling all our cards.

So, why am I sharing this story with you? Because I want you to know that financial disagreements don’t have to be a source of stress and division in your relationship. With the right approach, they can actually bring you closer together, helping you and your partner to understand each other better and to build a stronger, more united front when it comes to managing your finances.

Money has always been a big deal in relationships. Back in the day, men were usually the ones handling the money because they were often the main breadwinners. This created a power dynamic where men made most of the financial decisions, and women had little say. But things have changed a lot since then. More women are working, and financial decisions are often shared.

That’s a good thing, but it also means we need to learn how to manage money together, which isn’t always easy. After all, money isn’t just about numbers; it’s tied to our emotions, values, and even our upbringing. These factors can make financial disagreements tricky to navigate.

Understanding Financial Disagreements Today

Today, financial disagreements usually stem from a few key issues:

Communication: Not talking openly about money or not listening to each other can lead to misunderstandings. Do not guess if you are unsure then ask. 🚨Make This A Communication Rule!
Financial Literacy: If one partner knows more about money than the other, it can create a power imbalance. Your financial power is only as strong as the person who understands the least about their financial situation.
Shared Goals: It’s hard to agree on spending if you haven’t agreed on what you’re saving for. Where you agree is where you must stay. Do Not Commit Financial Adultry
Budgeting: Without a budget, it’s easy to overspend and get stressed out. If you are not tracking your money then you are not taking care of your household.
Conflict Resolution: Not knowing how to compromise or resolve disagreements can make things worse.
Emotional Intelligence: Money is emotional, and if you don’t manage those emotions, disagreements can spiral out of control. Spend time learning what you believe about money and your relationship with it. This will help you identify where your sticking points are in the conversation about your money.
Accountability: If one person is hiding purchases or debts, it can lead to serious trust issues. See #3

How to Make Financial Disagreements Work for You

The good news is that financial disagreements don’t have to be a bad thing. They can actually help you strengthen your relationship if you handle them well. Here’s how:

Talk Openly: Don’t avoid money talks. Set aside time to discuss your finances regularly, and make sure both of you are heard. It’s both of your money and both your futures you are planning, make sure you make sure you are on the right track from time to time.
Learn Together: Take a financial class together or read a book about money management. The more you both know, the easier it will be to make decisions together.
Set Goals: Agree on what you’re saving for, whether it’s a vacation, a new home, or your kids’ college fund. Having a shared goal makes it easier to stick to a budget. Don’t be afraid to be specific knowing exactly how much you want to save for each makes it clear.
Create a Budget: Work together to create a budget that meets both your needs. Make sure to include some “fun money” for each of you to spend as you like. The only thing you need for your budget is agreement just be realistic you only have so much money.
Compromise: If you disagree on something, try to find a middle ground. Maybe you don’t need to cancel all the credit cards—just keep one for emergencies, like we did because you want to take risks later.
Be Honest: Don’t hide purchases or debts. Be transparent about your spending habits and financial activities. This seems to keep coming up over and over again…lol! Trust me!
Be Flexible: Life changes, and so should your financial plans. Be ready to adjust your budget or goals as needed. Set time aside to make sure you are aligned with your financial goals.

Putting It Into Practice

So, how can you start applying these tips today?

Set Up a Budget Meeting: Schedule a time with your partner to go over your finances. Bring your budget, your goals, and your willingness to listen. My wife and I try to meet Annually to set our overall goals and plan to accomplish these goals then we meet quarterly, monthly, and weekly to discuss the steps we have to take to accomplish these goals. This also include a change of heart; because sometimes you realize you simply don’t want to do what it takes to achieve that goal and that is ok.
Start Small: If you’ve never budgeted before, start with something simple, like tracking your spending for a month. Then, work on a budget that fits your family’s needs. Here is a FREE resource: Household Management System
Keep Learning: Read a book like Smart Couples Finish Rich by David Bach or take an online course about personal finance. Knowledge is power, and it can help you avoid future disagreements.

Handling financial disagreements is about more than just money—it’s about communication, compromise, and working together towards a common goal. By approaching these discussions with patience, understanding, and a willingness to listen, you can turn what could be a source of stress into an opportunity to strengthen your relationship.

And besides you don’t want to argue and you do want a ‘little financial peace” – Dave Ramsey.

So next time you find yourself in a financial disagreement, remember: It’s not about winning the argument; it’s about finding a solution that works for both of you. And trust me, when you get it right, it makes a world of difference to you and your bank account.

🍻Cheers to finding balance in your financial life and making decisions that strengthen your relationship, not strain it.