Hey Fellow Dads,
One of the most powerful skills we can develop as fathers isn’t about fixing problems—it’s about making sure our kids feel truly heard. It’s not enough to just be present or nod along while they talk. We need to actively listen—to connect, to understand, and to create a space where our kids feel safe enough to open up. Because when they do, we’re not just hearing their words—we’re showing them that their thoughts and feelings matter.
The Moment I Realized I Wasn’t Really Listening
I learned this lesson the hard way. My daughter—now in college—once told me during an argument:
😡 “Dad, you never listened to me.”
That hit like a punch to the gut. I wanted to argue, to defend myself, because in my mind, I had always been there for her. I was the dad who fixed things, who gave advice, who showed up. But as she started unpacking her feelings, I realized she wasn’t just talking about that one moment—she was talking about years of feeling unheard.
She traced it all the way back to third grade.
Her best friend—our next-door neighbor—was moving away, and she was heartbroken. This wasn’t just any friend; this was the person she spent every day with, the one she laughed with, grew up with. To her, this was the end of her world. She came to me in tears, looking for comfort. And what did I say?
💬 “It’s not a big deal. You’ll make new friends!”
I thought I was helping. I thought I was toughening her up for life. But what I really did was dismiss the pain she was feeling. I minimized something that, to her, felt huge.
Think about it: she was 9 years old, watching her little world shift, and the one person she trusted most made her feel like her sadness wasn’t valid. Looking back, I cringe. Instead of providing comfort, I unknowingly built a wall between us—one that took years to break down.
What It Means to Really Listen
Dads, here’s the truth: listening isn’t about fixing—it’s about understanding. Our kids don’t always need solutions; sometimes, they just need to know that their feelings are real and that we’re in it with them.
That doesn’t mean giving in to every request or indulging every complaint. But when we listen—really listen—we build trust. We create a relationship where our kids know they can come to us, not just when they’re happy, but when they’re struggling, scared, or unsure.
And that’s the kind of dad I want to be. That’s the kind of dad I want you to be.
How to Start Practicing Active Listening
If you’re like me, this might not come naturally—but it’s a skill we can build. Here’s how:
🔹 Commit to Listening: When your child talks, don’t interrupt or immediately offer solutions. Let them finish.
🔹 Stay Present: Put down your phone, make eye contact, and be fully engaged in the conversation.
🔹 Respond with Empathy: Acknowledge their feelings instead of rushing to minimize or solve the problem. Sometimes, “That sounds really tough” is all they need to hear.
🔹 Validate Their Emotions: Even if you don’t agree, let them know their feelings are real. Saying, “I understand why that would make you upset” goes a long way.
Active listening isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being intentional. It’s about showing our kids that their voices matter, that their emotions are valid, and that Dad is a safe place to turn to, no matter what.
And that? That’s how we build the kind of bond that lasts a lifetime.
🍻Cheers to listening more, fixing less, and being the dad our kids need.
