Hey Fellow Dads,
Fatherhood isn’t a solo act. It’s more like a relay race, with different men passing you the baton at different stages of life. And, I’m lucky for the men who shaped me into the father I am today: my Dad, my “Step” Dad (Pops), and my Dad-In-Law.
Each of them played a role, some in ways I only understood later in life. And now, as a dad myself, I see pieces of them reflected in how I raise my own kids. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the influence of multiple father figures is crucial. We don’t become good dads on our own; we are built by the wisdom, mistakes, and examples of the men before us.
The Power of Hard Work and Freedom
My Dad was Chill but Firm. He worked hard, and he expected the same from me. His parenting style was strict when it came to discipline and expectations, but otherwise, he was hands-off. He believed that experience was the best teacher, and he gave me the freedom to learn life’s lessons—sometimes the hard way.
There were moments when that freedom landed me in trouble, even behind bars a couple of times. And yet, my dad’s response was always the same: “Well, at least I know you’re safe. See you when you get out.” To him, as long as I was handling my responsibilities—going to school, getting good grades—I had the space to figure out life on my own.
Now, as a father, I recognize his influence in how I parent. I teach my kids lessons, then give them the space to apply what they’ve learned. The only difference? I keep their leash a little shorter, making sure they have guidance without complete detachment.
The Power of Support and Encouragement
After my parents divorced when I was in elementary school, I moved around a lot with my mom and eventually went to lived with my dad when I got to high school. That transition was a turning point for me, but it was my stepdad—Pops—who made that time smoother.
Pops was the one who helped bridge the communication gap between my mom and me. He understood the struggles of a young man trying to find his way and he never tried to take the place of my Dad. He was just MY Pops.
More than anything, he was my biggest cheerleader. From high school to the military, from earning my degrees to becoming a father myself—Pops was always there, celebrating my wins, no matter how big or small.
That encouragement is something I now make sure my kids feel. I cheer them on, not just in their successes but in their efforts. I want them to know that they have someone in their corner, just like Pops was in mine.
I am also, pops myself and a huge part why he and I have a great relationship is 100% because my Pops showed me the way!
The Power of Quiet Dedication
Then there’s my Dad-In-Law. We got off to a rough start, as many son-in-law and father-in-law relationships do. But over time, I came to realize how much I had to learn from him.
He’s the kind of man who does whatever is needed for his family, without seeking credit or praise. Whether it’s lending money, washing dishes, or simply showing up, he does it with quiet consistency. Watching him love and support his family, without making a show of it, taught me a valuable lesson about what it truly means to be a husband and father.
At our five-year vow renewal, I publicly apologized to my father-in-law for my childish ways in our early years and promised to treat my family the way my he treats his—with quiet strength, unwavering support, and love that doesn’t need to be spoken to be felt.
Why Multiple Father Figures Matter
Each of these men gave me something different—discipline, support, and devotion. No single man has all the answers when it comes to fatherhood. That’s why having multiple father figures matters. They give us different pieces of the puzzle, shaping us into well-rounded men and dads.
Maybe you had a biological father who was there, or maybe you didn’t. Maybe a coach, a mentor, an uncle, or even a friend’s dad stepped into that role for you. However it happened, the lesson remains the same: fatherhood is a collective effort. We learn from the men who came before us, and in turn, we become the men our children will look up to.
So today, I want to take a moment to thank the men who made me who I am. And I encourage you to do the same. Who were the men that shaped you? What lessons did they leave you with? And most importantly—how are you passing that wisdom down to the next generation?
Because being a good dad isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being willing to learn, grow, and take the best parts of the men before us to create something even better for our kids.
Until next time, keep learning, keep leading, and keep building the next generation of good dads.
🍻 Cheers to honoring the men who made us who we are.
