Hey, Fellow Dads,
Let’s be real—money can stir up some serious tension in any relationship. Studies show that 20% to 40% of divorces are due to financial issues, and in some cases, just an extra $500 could be the difference between a shaky marriage and one that survives.
🧐Let that sink in for a second.
Money stress doesn’t just show up one day and wreck your relationship—it sneaks in, little by little. An unexpected expense, a disagreement about saving, or even just different spending habits can create cracks that, if left unchecked, turn into full-blown disaster. But here’s the thing: financial disagreements don’t have to be the stepping stones to divorce.
These money conversations can actually bring you closer—if you handle them the right way.
The Argument That Taught Me a Lesson
My wife and I have always been pretty solid when it comes to managing money together, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t clashed. One argument in particular still stands out, and honestly? I was the problem.
We had just finished a 7-day trip to Hawaii, and on the drive home from the airport, I was fired up about finances because I had just finished reading the last few chapters of Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover while laying on the beach, and I was ready to go all in on the plan once I got home
So, as we cruised down the highway, I laid it all out for my wife.
✅ Save $1,000 for emergencies
✅ Activate the debt snowball
✅ Cancel ALL credit cards
And she listened then asked:
👉🏾 “Can we keep just one credit card for emergencies?”
That’s when things went south. Because I heard, “I don’t want to do the plan like that”.
I was adamant. “Nope. Dave Ramsey says cancel them all.”
She was concerned. “But what if something happens?”
I doubled down. “We need to follow the plan exactly!”
And before I knew it, we were locked in a silent, awkward drive home.
Looking back, I realize the issue wasn’t the plan. It wasn’t even the credit card. The issue was me. I wasn’t listening—I was pushing a solution without considering her valid concerns. She wasn’t saying we shouldn’t save or pay off debt. She was saying she felt a little concerned having nothing more than $1000 if an emergency happened to our family.
It wasn’t until later, while listening to the Dave Ramsey Podcast that I heard him say to a wife on air about her husband that didn’t want to participate in the strategy that hit me like a ton of bricks:
👉🏾 “If your spouse isn’t on board, you don’t have a plan—you just have a good idea.”
Ouch.
That argument could’ve created a lasting wedge between us. Instead, we found a compromise: We canceled most of our credit cards but kept one for emergencies. It was a small adjustment, but it made a huge difference. That one card gave her peace of mind and, in turn, gave me the freedom to take risks elsewhere in our finances.
Side Note: We still haven’t used that credit card since starting the plan so I guess it was worth it!😉
Why Financial Disagreements Happen
Money has always been a big deal in relationships. Back in the day, dads were the primary breadwinners, so they made most of the financial decisions. Now? Things have changed. More households have two incomes, and financial decisions are a team effort—which is a good thing. But it also means we need to figure out how to manage money together.
The problem? Money isn’t just math. It’s emotional. It’s tied to how we were raised, our fears, our goals, and even our sense of worth or security; as with my wife. That’s why it’s so easy for financial disagreements to happen even between people who love eachother.
Here are some of the biggest culprits:
🗣️ Communication: Not talking openly about money—or worse, assuming your partner knows what you’re thinking—leads to misunderstandings. 🚨Make This A Rule: If You’re Unsure, Ask.
📚 Financial Literacy: If one partner understands money more than the other, it can create a power imbalance. Your financial strength is only as strong as the person who knows the least about your money.
🎯 Shared Goals: If you haven’t agreed on what you’re saving for, you’ll argue about spending it. Agree on the goal first. No Financial Adultery!
📊 Budgeting: Not tracking your money is like running America Ninja Warrior blindfolded with your hands in your pocket. You are putting your household at a huge risk. Period.
🤝 Conflict Resolution: If you don’t know how to work through disagreements, they’ll keep happening until the relationship can’t take it anymore.
😡 Emotions & Money: Money triggers deep-seated emotions. Understanding your own money mindset will help you navigate disagreements better.
💳 Accountability: If one person is hiding spending, debts, or financial decisions, it will destroy trust. (See 🎯Shared Goals)
Turning Money Fights Into Money Wins
Good news: Money disagreements don’t have to divide you. They can actually strengthen your relationship if you approach them the right way.
🗣️ Talk Openly: Schedule regular “money talks” to stay on the same page. It’s both of your lives that you are financing, so check in together.
📖 Learn Together: Read a book, take a finance class, or listen to a money podcast as a couple.
🎯 Set Clear Goals: Be specific. How much are you saving for vacations? College? Retirement? The clearer the goal, the easier it is to stay aligned.
📊 Create a Budget: But make sure to include some fun money for each of you. Agreement is key—but be realistic about what you actually have to work with.
🤝 Compromise: Find middle ground. Maybe you don’t cancel every credit card—just set limits on how and when it’s used.
💰 Be Honest: No hidden purchases. No secret accounts. No financial surprises. Trust is everything.
🔄 Stay Flexible: Life changes, and so should your financial plans. Check in and adjust as needed.
Start Today: A Simple Action Plan
💼 Schedule a Budget Meeting: My wife and I meet annually to set financial goals, then quarterly, monthly, and weekly to stay on track. It keeps us aligned and avoids surprises.
📊 Track Your Spending for 30 Days: Before creating a budget, just see where your money is going.
📚 Keep Learning: Books like Smart Couples Finish Rich by David Bach and The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel are great places to start.
At the end of the day, handling money together isn’t just about dollars and cents. It’s about trust, communication, and building a future together. And when you get it right, it doesn’t just strengthen your bank account—it strengthens your marriage.
And honestly? That’s the kind of financial peace we all want.
🍻 Cheers to finding balance in your finances and making money decisions that bring you closer instead of pulling you apart.
Resources for Further Learning
- Smart Couples Finish Rich by David Bach
- The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey
- The Gottman Institute Blog: www.gottman.com/blog
- Mint (Budgeting App): www.mint.com
- YNAB (You Need a Budget): www.youneedabudget.com
By diving into these resources, you’ll be better equipped to handle financial disagreements and build a stronger, more united family.
