Hey, Fellow Dads,
I’ve been married to my incredible wife for 16 years now. That’s a long time, but let me tell you—longevity alone doesn’t make you an expert in marriage. It’s the mistakes that teach you the real lessons.
For most of my adult life, I’ve been walking this journey with my wife, but if I’m being honest, I spent way too many of those years being a husband, and not always a good one. It took me far too long to realize that marriage isn’t just about existing together—it’s about growing throughout life together.
And that growth? It starts with me.
The Wake-Up Call
The first 10 years of our marriage were… let’s call them “eventful.” Not because we were making unforgettable memories, but because we were stuck in patterns that weren’t serving us. Arguments that went nowhere. Unspoken expectations that led to resentment. Love that was present, but not always expressed in the right ways.
It wasn’t until the last five years that I really started putting in the work to become a better husband. And I mean real, intentional work—not just surface-level gestures. I had to face some uncomfortable truths about myself, take responsibility, and start making changes.
Looking back, I see three major lessons that have changed my marriage for the better. Maybe they can help you too.
1. Emotion Driven Arguments Are a Losing Game
There was a time when my wife and I argued about everything we felt was wrong. The way I loaded the dishwasher. The way she talked to me when she was frustrated. The way we handled money. The way we didn’t handle money. The list goes on.
But here’s what I realized: I don’t even remember what the resolutions were in those arguments or if there were any. What I do remember is the tension. The frustration. The exhaustion. And I can guarantee she remembers those feelings too.
Most of the time, the issue itself wasn’t even that serious—we were just caught in a cycle.
So I made a decision: To quit arguing. Especially, if its emotion driven!
That doesn’t mean I keep my mouth shut and let things fester. It means I pick my battles, I communicate calmly, and I make sure we’re solving problems—not just fighting to be right. Because trust me, winning an argument against your wife doesn’t mean you WIN, if you catch my drift 😉!
2. Love Isn’t Just Said—It’s Shown
We hear it all the time: “Actions speak louder than words.” But how often do we actually apply that in our marriages?
I used to think telling my wife “I love you” was enough. And don’t get me wrong—it’s important. But if my actions weren’t backing it up, those words didn’t hold much weight.
Love looks like:
✔ Doing the little things—not because she asked, but because you care.
✔ Being present—not just in the room, but engaged.
✔ Listening to understand—not just waiting for your turn to talk.
Your wife doesn’t just want to hear that you love her—she wants to see it, feel it, experience it. And the same goes for us as men.
So if you want to be loved the way you need, that brings me to the third lesson…
3. Teach Your Wife How to Love You
There’s a misconception that if someone loves you, they should automatically know exactly how to show it. Not true.
Your wife wants to love you the way you need, but if you never communicate what that looks like, it’s unfair to expect her to just figure it out.
Now, this part can be tricky because it’s easy for these conversations to come across as criticism. That’s not the goal. The goal is clarity.
Instead of:
❌ “You never do X for me.”
Try:
✅ “When you do X, it makes me feel really appreciated.”
Instead of:
❌ “I wish you understood me better.”
Try:
✅ “Something that really helps me feel connected to you is when we talk about our day without distractions.”
See the difference? Less blame, more guidance.
Final Thoughts
Marriage isn’t about perfection. It’s about progress. It’s about learning, adjusting, and committing to being better today than you were yesterday.
And fellas, let me tell you—when you put in the work, the payoff is worth it. My marriage is stronger. My home is more peaceful. My relationship with my kids has even improved. All because I stopped pointing fingers and started leading by example.
I’m not saying I’ve got it all figured out, but I do know this: A good marriage doesn’t just happen. It’s built. One conversation, one choice, one lesson at a time.
🍻 Cheers to thriving in our marriages.
