without forgetting the strong part
Hello Fellow Good Dads,
I recently watched an old episode of Cam Newton’s Podcast, Funky Fridays, featuring Charleston White—the outspoken shock jock comedian, activist, and former convicted murderer. Despite his often outrageous remarks, White occasionally shares profound insights on life, community, and parenting. In this episode, one of his key points was the distinction between raising and training children.
In the podcast, Charleston emphasized that while many parents provide good homes, nutritious food, and a comfortable life, they often fail to train their children to handle life’s challenges independently. This distinction between providing and preparing is crucial. Providing ensures that children have what they need in the present, but training equips them to navigate future adversities.
This idea reminded me of another video where a pastor discussed the dual roles fathers must play. According to the pastor, “a father who is only strong isn’t a good man/dad, and a father who is only nurturing isn’t a good man/dad either“ . Being solely strong or nurturing is inadequate; a balanced approach is essential. Strength without nurturing can come across as harsh and unapproachable, while nurturing without strength may lack the necessary firmness and guidance that children need.
I find wisdom in both Charleston White’s and the pastor’s perspectives. As fathers, we must embody both strength and nurture. In today’s society, there’s a significant push for men to be more nurturing husbands, fathers, and community members. However, it’s crucial to remember that strength, discipline, and resolve are equally important. Our children need us to lead with these qualities just as much as they need our nurturing love and support.
The Balance in Practice
For the past two years, I’ve been supporting my youngest son in his basketball journey. He’s not LeBron James—heck, he’s not even Prince in a game of shirts and blouses—but sports provide a unique learning environment for kids that I would highly recommend. They teach principles like hard work, perseverance, and teamwork, long before kids have to face life’s challenges on their own.
Before each practice or workout, I tell my son to play hard and remind him how proud I am of him. This encouragement sets a positive tone and reinforces his efforts. After practice, I give him honest feedback on areas for improvement. This constructive criticism helps him understand where he needs to focus to get better. It’s a balance of encouragement and constructive criticism; albeit sandwiched between my finger waves, head points, and arm swings during the games, I am still dad 😉.
Striking the Right Balance
Some fathers offer only encouragement, which can create a false sense of accomplishment and entitlement. Conversely, focusing too much on flaws can damage a child’s confidence. Finding the right balance is key. Encouragement without direction can lead to complacency, while criticism without support can lead to discouragement. The goal is to foster a growth mindset, where children learn to value effort and resilience.
The Importance of Training
Training children involves more than just teaching them specific skills. It includes instilling values, setting expectations, and modeling behaviors. Children learn not just from what we say but from what we do. By demonstrating a balance of strength and nurture, we show them how to navigate the complexities of life. This training helps them develop the resilience they need to face challenges, the empathy to connect with others, and the discipline to achieve their goals.
Embracing Strength and Nurture
Jordan Peterson aptly said, “A harmless man is not a good man.” This quote underscores the importance of strength in character. Strength isn’t about being aggressive or domineering; it’s about being steadfast, reliable, and principled. Coupled with nurturing qualities, it forms a well-rounded approach to parenting.
As we strive to be good men, let’s remember the importance of balance in our roles as fathers. By combining strength and nurture, we provide our children with a solid foundation to build their lives upon.
🍻 Cheers To Being Good Men.
Gerald “Mr. BPOZ” Mayes – Connect With Me!
